Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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