I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
