it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
