decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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