You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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