Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
