My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
