He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
