I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
