So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
