god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
