Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
