I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
its liver damage thursday
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
