i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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