My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
