Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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