mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
