Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We are two peas in an std pod
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
whose parrot is this?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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