Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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