I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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