i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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