What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
