Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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