There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize