I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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