I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize