so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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