Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
