saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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