I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
