I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
