peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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