Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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