Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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