i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ruined the universe
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
