omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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