Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
