You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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