She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
