I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
