Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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