You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
