I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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