how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
