I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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