Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
