I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
