I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize