I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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