Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
