that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
