so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
