At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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