Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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