Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
