Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
