i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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