all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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