I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
