Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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