she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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