you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
