I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't put those talents on a resume
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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