guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
