Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
