cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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