So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
