remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Mom said you looked used
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
