My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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