Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
