apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
