i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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