Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
