Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
