you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize