Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
