would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
