Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
