Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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