You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
